Before I attended this event, I was given,
and under the impression that due to the nature of women, they are not supposed
to be taken seriously and I wonder if that’s one type of oppression. Women are
to bear all patience and endure, and the first speaker, Mufti Menk, Masha’Allah
stated that, being sabr doesn’t mean we have to bear an oppressive marriage. He
quickly reminded himself towards the main topics when he realizes he almost
diverted into another topic-the fiqh of marriage.
Masha’Allah, women’s status are elevated in
the Eyes of Allah Ta’ala that there’s even a surah in the Qur’an named after
us, Surah An-Nisa, which is the fourth surah in the Qur’an and Surah Maryam,
named after Maryam alaiha salam (19th surah in the Qur’an).
“Daughters are Special” opened the session for
the event with themes aspects being discussed included; the blessing upon the news
on the arrival of daughters into this world, their rights in life, inheritance
and marriage, and their haya’. The one-hour session by Mufti Ismail Menk
not only provided me with all the answers I was looking for, but also has given
me a hope that I’ve lost.
According to the Mufti, the tests for each
and every one are unique and the unlimited reward for bearing patience (sabr) in
going through such tests is an immense ajr (rewards in the Hereafter). It’s in the human nature that we tend to concentrate
on what we do not have rather than what we already have. This is the part when
the Mufti shared examples of the blessings (ne’mat) granted by Allah Ta’ala
(the eyes, air to breathe, limbs, hearing ability and so on). I tried to remind
myself to have gratitude over the things that I have, regardless of how much I
feel I’m going through.
The Mufti went on quoting from Surah Hujurat,
ayat 50, “To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He
creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He
gives to whom He wills males. Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He
renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent.” Allah is
the One, based on His ultimate wisdom, who grants whomever He wills sons and
daughters; He grants sons only to whomever He wills, and grants daughters only
to whomever He wills, and if He so wills, He makes whomever He wills infertile.
The Birth of the Daughters
The major sin is to be
sad upon the birth of a child that we didn’t wish for. Or when we do have a
child, and comes another, we’ve become sadden by the fact that the second child
is of the same gender of the first. The common practice of the
people during the pre-Islamic era was to hate receiving daughters, to the
extent that they would bury them alive; “And when the infant girl buried alive will be asked,For what
crime was she slain?” (Surah
At-Takwir Chapter 81: Verse 8-9).
“And
when the news (of the birth) of a daughter is disclosed to any of them, his
face turns dark and he gets pent up with anger. He
seeks to hide himself from people due to the (presumed) bad news that is given
to him. (He now gets down to thinking) whether he should keep her (alive)
despite humiliation and disgrace or bury her (alive) in the earth.See! How
wicked is the decision that they make!”-(Surah
An-Nahl,Chapter 16:Verse 58-59)
Means to Enter Jannah
Daughters are born with the granted blessings
that come along with her birth. “She brings her own sustenance, as the means to
enter Jannah for whomever that takes care of her.”
The Mufti shared a hadith: A’ishah radi’Allahu
anha, related: "A woman by the name of Jameelah came to me with her two
daughters. She asked me for charity but found nothing with me except a date,
which I gave her. She divided it between her two daughters and ate nothing
herself; then, she got up and left. After this, Rasulullah sallallaahu 'alaihi
wasallam came, so I narrated this story to him; he sallallaahu 'alaihi wa
sallam said: “He who is involved
(in the responsibility) of (nurturing) daughters and is generous to them, will
have them as a fortification for himself against the Hellfire.” (Al-Bukhaari & Muslim)
The Mufti directed
the audience attention to what exactly the above hadith narration means, the
Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: “He who is tested by (the
guardianship) of daughters….” Why did he sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam
use the word: “…tested…”? He said it because raising them is a
responsibility and a test from Allah to see how His slave would act: Will he be
kind to them? Will he raise them correctly? The Mufti went on by saying, “What does it mean to bears patience in
raising daughters? Feeds them, takes care of them, be happy when you have
daughters. Look after them, knowing they are with you temporarily, knowing they
will go to someone else when the time comes. Endure in nurturing them, teach
and guide them in Allah’s path”.
The nature of this
responsibility was further clarified in other narrations, such as: “If
he patiently feeds them and endows them with clothing …"(Ibn Majah).,
and: “…Provides for them and marries them off…” (At-Tabaraani).,
and: “…Properly raises them and fears Allaah in the manner in which he
deals with them.” (At-Tirmithi).
A daughter is a
great bounty and an honour granted by Allaah, Imaam Al-Hasan, may Allah have
mercy upon him, said: “Girls are a source of reward and sons are a
blessing; rewards are in one's favour (on the Day of Judgement) whereas one
will be held accountable for blessings.”
Thus, it is
incorrect to believe that one has been humiliated by being granted a girl;
rather it is an honour, a bounty and a gate towards Paradise.
Rights in Marriage
In marriage, the daughters have their
rights to see their future spouse and should she be uncomfortable with her
future spouse in the meeting, she has the final say of deciding whether to
accept the proposal or otherwise.
In marriage, do not look at the women you’re
married to as a wife alone, but look at her as someone’s daughter, whose family
loves and respect her. Do not make her cry or being abusive towards her for Allah
hears the cries of the wife. The Mufti jokes a little when he saw his wife
cries, with such concerned on why she does, he asked her, and she responded
that its only tears of joy, Masha’Allah.
As mention in Surah Mujadallah(58:1)-Hadith
no.3490, Book of Divorce, Sunan An-Nasa’I, Vol.4) “Indeed, Allah has heard
the statement of her that disputes with you concerning her husband, and
complains to Allah. And Allah hears the argument between you both. Verily,
Allah is All-Hearer, All-Seer.”, Khawlah bint Tha’labah came to meet Rasulullah
sallallahu alaihi wasallam and complained about her husband who showed
disinterest in her, “O Allah’s Messenger! He spend my wealth, exhausted my
youth and my womb bore abundantly for him. When I became old, unable to bear
children, he pronounced zihar on me. O Allah! I complain to you.” The Mufti
said, women should not take themselves for granted by not taking care of her
own health and beauty. In fact, Islam does not forbid us to keep fit, however,
we need to constantly remind ourselves that as a Muslimah, that no matter where
we go or what we do, we need to remember in which state we wish or like to be,
when we die (say our last kalimah).
Preservation of Haya’
Women are prohibited to parade her beauty
and express her so-called liberation by being nude in public. She should not be
judged by her beauty, her idyllic physical characteristics as expected by the
public. Women too, are prohibited to be treated as commodities and she should
only be judged by her dedication to Allah.
It’s a common scene these days where women
showing off their bodily characteristics given by Allah, be judge by her
physicals (the pagan way). In order to attain dignity, women must cover herself
instead of pointing fingers to others to lower their gaze first. The Qur’an
clearly stated what Allah Himself has ordered the believing women to cover
themselves.
In Surah Al-Ahzab (33), verse 59, Allah Ta’ala gives the
following command to Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wassalam:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ, قُلْ لأَزْوَاجِكَ وَ بَنَاتِكَ وَ
نِسآءِ الْمُؤْمِنِيْنَ: يُدْنِيْنَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ جَلاَبِيْبِهِنَّ...
“O Prophet! Say to your wives, your daughters, and the women of
the believers that: they should let down upon themselves their jalabib.”
Media promoting nudity and consider it as
liberation (enslavement of female). The Mufti then ask a question to the
audience, “When we beautify ourselves, what’s our intention and who is it
for?” No, it can’t be for yourself”. Seems like the audience chuckled in
agreement after what the Mufti has said. “We’re being enslaved by our own
desire- do not engage in tabarruj”
Rights in Inheritance
In terms of wasiyah or inheritance, it is
often a misconception that Islam is being oppressive to the women, when in fact
it’s not. According to the Mufti, women should be taken care of, as they’re not
to worry about being maintained when it comes to the provision of basic
necessities (home, food, clothing and so on). However, women are allowed to
work, but, within what’s permitted by Allah (not missing salat, free mingling
with non-mehram, preservation of haya). The men, brothers, uncles and
relatives, Allah gives them inheritance in a bigger shares due to the responsibilities
being held by the males; to take care of the women in family. “But what
happen these days, the man are running away from their responsibilities and
keeps the women unknown of her rights, due to her lack of knowledge in
inheritance”, the Mufti added.
According to Surah An-Nisa, be kind
to women and take care of them. Do not take the wealth of the orphan, do not
cheat her over her rights on inheritance. And whomever fulfills the rights will
be awarded Jannah and otherwise to Jahannum.
The Mufti concluded by saying that in the
process of seeking a spouse, look for the similar level of Deen to avoid
conflicts.
Coming up … personal notes from other
sessions; I Have Found My Path, Have You?, In
the Footsteps of Our Prophets, Proud to be a Muslimah and Gems of Belief in the
Hereafter, In Sha Allah.
REFERENCE
Daughters are Special. The Straight Path
Convention-Path to Hereafter. 15th November 2015.
IslamWeb.net. http://library.islamweb.net/en/article/140381/.
Accessed on the 19th November 2015.
Noor-e-Sunnat.com. http://blog.nooresunnat.com/the-blessings-of-daughters-from-quran-o-hadith#.Vk3XvvkrLIU.
Accessed on the 19th November 2015.
Quran and Hadith- The Right Path. http://www.quranandhadith.com/husband-wife-relationship/#comment-46321
. Accessed on the 19th November 2015.
The Quran Foundation. http://www.thequranfoundation.org/blog/virtues-of-bringing-up-daughters/.
Accessed on the 19th November 2015.
The Qur’an and Hijab. http://www.al-islam.org/hijab-muslim-womens-dress-islamic-or-cultural-sayyid-muhammad-rizvi/quran-and-hijab.
Accessed on the 19th November 2015.
